Let’s face it – as your marriage ends and you start your new life as a family with two homes, the shitty situation seems enormous, almost unmanageable, and whether or not you can actually climb over a shit pile that huge appears doubtful a lot of the time.

It’s true.

And for a long while you may not even be able to tell which way is up and which way is down, and if you’ve made any progress out of all this shit at all.

It sucks.  It really fucking sucks.

So, what can you do?

Believe it or not, you have choices. 

What will you do? 

I hope you’ll see beyond the shit.  To your version of a great life. 

Where you have someone to unconditionally love you and be your cheerleader in life.  To raising well adjusted and resilient kids.  Having the freedom to travel and vacation more often.  Those are just a few of mine :) 

Let that dream be your fuel, when you don’t think you have anything left in the tank.

And...

How do you intend to live the rest of your life after Separation/Divorce'?

Write it down.  In detail.  Let's get real here.

I imagine your response is similar to what mine was, I just want to be happy, I want to be a good parent, and have good relationships with the people I love - especially my kids.  I want my relationship with my ex to have a flow and ease to it.  All great stuff!

Now close your eyes and in your mind's eye - really see it happening, imagine your life the way you want it to be, as if it's happening right now.  Who would be in your life?  How would you act towards others?

How would it feel?

Please, really do the visualization.  It's so powerful. 

It only needs to be for 5 mins or so!  You know you're onto something when you can feel your body physically responding to the visualization - like happy tingling and just an overall positive feeling building in your body.

Continue on with the visualization daily or weekly or...

We all know that going through a Separation/Divorce does a huge number on your self-confidence.  Here's how Mirror work with positive affirmations helped me get through the slog.

So, your marriage ending is still very fresh, suddenly everything is new and you’re completely untethered from the life you used to know, from the life your future was based on.  And while this is a really painful time, it will get better, and you’ll get through it.  You will.  For a time, being less sure of yourself is OK – I mean, when you doubt yourself, this brings upon self-reflection, which is extremely handy in making important internal changes and how you are out in the world.

However, there are times when it feels like ages and ages have gone by and you still don’t feel like you can handle your life, or if one more thing happens, you’re sure it’ll be the end of you – you just can’t handle any more uncertainty.  When I was...

Wherever you are in your life – newly separated/divorced, dating, focusing on yourself & your kids & letting the dust settle a bit, into a new serious relationship, etc – stress finds a way to creep into your life, for long periods or very short periods.  Frankly, some of life's low points have wider ruts than we'd like.  Wherever you are today – reducing stress will help move you ahead :)  And it'll serve you well for the rest of your long life.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how to keep my mind optimistic and creative and fresh, to stay curious, even when things are very uncertain.  For some reason, it feels like a pivot point for me these days, where I am starting some small new habits that will carry me through the next few decades and further – I hope!  For the past while, I’ve just been running myself ragged and my mind and body are starting to feel the drain.

I am naturally optimistic at my core,...